Americans Are Fat And Stupid

Americans are fat and stupid.

Europeans know this.

We know that they don’t get sarcasm and they have NO CULTURE.

In fact, the fat, stupid, high-waisted-”pants”-wearing Americans that you see in Europe are the cream of American society. Only 4% of Americans own a passport, and of those, only 15% have made it across the Atlantic.

Americans don’t speak any language other than American, which isn’t English, because we only speak English in England.

Americans are gun-toting, queer-bashing, bible-bashing, diabetic and gullible.

Right.

Right?

Whatever.

(Say that last bit in an affected Valley-Girl accent, trailing with a long “er” and a lifted eyebrow.)

Here’s the thing:

Otherwise intelligent people across Europe hold this to be true. Seriously. These are the otherwise intelligent people who have never set foot in the States. These are the otherwise intelligent people who have the States right down the bottom of their list of places to “do” (how I hate that phrase) because of all the above.

And all of the above is patently bollocks.

But go ahead and believe it.

It leaves more opportunity for those who want to find out for themselves.

While you’re at it, go ahead and believe the following.

• To be able to work for yourself is a pipe-dream: the domain of “other people”; people who aren’t you.
• Money will always be tight.
• You’re too old for skateboarding.
• You’ll only have two weeks vacation this year. And next year.
• You can’t start a sentence with the word “and”.
• One day you’ll write a book. Probably when you retire. (Probably.)
• You can’t dance.
• You can’t speak in public.
• 80% of small businesses go bust within three years. That’s why you shouldn’t start one.
• Your only hope of buying a new car is to win the lottery.
• She’s out of your league.
• Good things don’t happen to people like you.
• You will always be out of shape.
• You can’t afford it.

Or, get a grip.

I know that you don’t think Americans are fat and stupid, but I’ll bet you’re an otherwise intelligent person that has a belief-disconnect somewhere.

Identify it. Then overcome it.

You’ll be surprised what it leads to.

Let me know how you get on. I’ll be in the States, hanging out with the smart kids and super-stoked that I put the USA at the top of my own list of places to do.

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