WARNING: This email contains references to the Soviet gulags, digestive tracts and networking events. If you find any three of these topics distasteful, you might like to skip over this one.
A friend of mine took me to a networking event this morning.
I’ve always felt a little “meh” about networking events, but he said I’d make him look good, so I agreed to go.
It started at 7am.
Early mornings always get me thinking about Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn.
Solzhenitsyn, in “One Day in the Life of Ivan Ivanisovich” writes about the morning routine in a Soviet-era labor camp.
It’s a vivid and harrowing story. You should read it.
He also makes the physiologically correct assertion that trying to take a crap too soon upon waking is very, very difficult.
I’ve not always been the handsome, warm-hearted gent you know and love today.
(Well, I’ve always been handsome.)
Some of my less-elegant moments are outlined below.
But first – because everybody loves a scoundrel – I want to invite you on a date (no spooning.)
Dov Gordon – fellow resident of (other side of) Mediterranea – is doing a webinar next week.
“How To Elegantly Control Your Next Sales Conversation”
Because it’s entirely relevant to my message, I’m going along as an attendee. Based on Dov’s past form, it’s going to be worth my while.
Not many people know this, but for a long time I was a street performer.
From the age of twelve I’d stake my pitch on a street corner, put a raggedy denim hat on the ground, and throw balls, knives and flaming clubs in the air for the entertainment of passing shoppers.
Sometimes I got moved on by officious traffic wardens or storekeepers who tired of my “witty” repartee.
But normally they’d leave me alone to earn my pocket money.
And it paid well.
Whilst my friends were earning a couple of pounds an hour cleaning cars or stacking shelves, I was doing a lot better.
But not better enough. At least, not for my liking.
You see, I’d judge a day based on my takings.
If the crowd was generous, I’d do OK. But they weren’t always inclined to be generous.
Want to make fewer sales?
Or want to maintain the “no-sales” status quo?
Or perhaps you simply want an EXCUSE to justify why you’re not making sales at the moment?
You’re in luck! Pick any of the options from the list below:
1. Tweak your website
After all – nobody’s going to be interested in buying your stuff if your header logo doesn’t “represent” who you really are.
Aquamarine was last week’s color, right?
“I’m rebranding” is a perfectly legitimate reason for not making any sales this quarter.
2. Leave a long, thoughtful blog comment somewhere
Because then the author of the blog post will see that you are a long, thoughtful kind of person and you’ll “engage” them and then … profit?
I get a lot of email about How To Get A Grip (that’s the “anti self-help” book I wrote a few years ago.)
Some correspondents are clearly insane.
Others make my day, like Marie from the UK, who wrote to me on Friday. You’ll see that I had no option but to share it with you.
I firstly want to thank you so much and very sincerely for writing your book, which has truly changed my life. I have been crippled my insecurity and self-defeating thoughts for as long as I can remember – but you’ve given me the mental shake I needed to see how ridiculous I have been – and done it in such a funny way that I frequently end up laughing at myself when you show me what I’ve been doing my whole life. Truly, Thank You.