How to sell absolutely anything to absolutely anybody every single time

How To Sell Anything To AnybodyYou’ve been waiting your entire life for this.

It’s the secret – known only by a tiny handful of mystical sales magi – that salespeople, sales managers and company owners have been desperate to have access to for years and years.

This secret will render unto those who have knowledge of it superlative powers of persuasion and control.

This secret is so dangerous – so powerful – that it’s been held under lock and key in a Siberian volcano for the last 2,000 years.

But now it’s available for convenient monthly instalments.

It’s the secret of how to sell absolutely anything to absolutely anybody every single time you try.

Forget ice to the Eskimos – this secret – in four parts – will teach you how to sell high-priced (even OVERpriced) services to absolutely anybody you come across.

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Why (and how) I’m selling cash at a discount

Cash at a discount

Here’s the money I’ve spent so far today:

Getting a key cut: $1.50
Coffee: $3.60
A downpayment on a fridge-freezer: $150
Parking: $2.20
Accountant’s bill: $680

NONE of which have got me any closer to growing my business. (Although if it wasn’t for the accountant, I’d be much further behind than I already am with the paperwork.)

Here’s what I WANTED to buy:

Money at a discount.

I wanted to invest in something that would give me more bucks in return (when used properly, of course, with wisdom and finesse.)

The good news is, that’s exactly what I’ve got for you today.

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Madonna is the shit

Paris is the shitA few years ago, before Mrs K was Mrs K, I took her to Paris for her birthday.

We did the regular things: Eiffel Tower, pavement cafes, the Tuileries.

We ate at that place that was in Sex & The City – the one where a bowl of soup cost more than a bowl of soup should ever cost in a just and fair world.

Then we went to see Madonna at the Stade de France – a great big stadium.

I was pretty chuffed (that’s an Englishism – it means “pleased”) to get tickets right in front of the stage.

Thing is, they were right in front of the stage, but an entire stadium’s distance away.

That meant we couldn’t even make out any discerning features on the enormous screens they have at concerts, let alone the live action.

Still, it was a blast. Mrs K and most of the gay population of Paris bopped contentedly until the night ended, when we joined the 70,000-strong throng on the Metro at the end of the night.

The gig was great. The souvenir brochures cost about 150 euros (if I remember correctly), so we passed on those.

Madonna was as Madonna is – subversive, energetic, single-minded.

And she mostly got it right.

Except just once.

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Peacocking for Fun and Profit

PeacockingThe Game by Neil Strauss is one of the best sales books ever written.

Of course, it’s not a book about sales. It’s a book about picking up women.

And not in a natural, “I’m attracted to her, so I’ll get to know her better” way. Or even a useful “how to talk to girls if you’re crippled with shyness” way, either

No, these guys – “professional” pick-up artists – go about collecting phone numbers, scoring dates and getting to (and beyond) first base in a way that’s decidedly obsessive.

The whole concept is, frankly, a little rapey.

I have a friend – possibly somebody you know – who moved in the circles of these pick-up-artists in LA for a few years.

He told me that at one stage a few years ago, girls going out on the Sunset Strip were almost guaranteed to have their night ruined by packs of predatory men.

Yuck.

So, this isn’t an endorsement of the book’s premise, but rather of the lessons contained therein.

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Why it’s better to be stoopid

stupidYou know a whole lot.

You get to know more each day: more about people, more about your ever-expanding gut, more about obscure stuff, more about life in general.

And, of course, they say that accumulation of knowledge is valuable.

Not only will it win you the praise and adoration of fellow pub quiz participants, but it can also be used to woo girls and stop the dangerously ignorant in their venomous and hateful tracks.

Knowledge, they say, is power. Knowledge is the food of the soul. Knowledge is freedom, love, light and vision.

The more we know, the better our decisions. The more we know, the weightier the value of our judgement … that’s what they say.

I say bullcrap.

Too much knowledge is a dangerous thing. Too much thinking gets in the way of doing.

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Liberace and me

Know Your CustomerLiberace, for about two decades, was the highest-paid entertainer in the world.

If you don’t know of him, think of Elton John, camp it up even more, and rewind a few years.

Until recently I didn’t know much about him.

Then a couple of months ago, I caught the tail-end of a TV show.

And it made me think.

(Which doesn’t happen very often. Not just a TV show making me think, but me thinking in general.)

Here’s what I learned:

Liberace trained as a classical pianist. He was gifted. Prodigious, even.

He could play classical music better than the guys who wrote the stuff.

But he wasn’t happy.

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